Fine, I'll do it myself

Apparently we have a readership. Mom didn't tell me. She never tells me anything. I had to overhear it last night from Grandpa. He told Mom to get her blog butt in gear. But he said it nice.

I'm too young to know how to craft an elegant story with ups and downs and twists and turns. But I do know how to go up and down and how to twist and turn. That counts. Anyway. I'll just say what I've been doing because who knows when Mom will ever do it.

• I peed in the potty once. Mom and Auntie Ali were there. We did many high fives. Mom took pictures. They are trapped on her camera. She claims the cord that hooks up the camera to the computer is acting funny. I remain skeptical.

• I pooped in the potty once too. Mostly it just kind of fell out when I was trying to sit down on the potty. Mom said it counted. Auntie Ali was there that time too. More high fives. No pictures.

• I wipe my own bum. Here's how. First I do downward facing dog. Then I take my one square of toilet paper that Mom allows me to have (cheap much?) and reach up there and take care of business.

• My whole life is about riding in the elevator and avoiding getting dressed.

• I really hate getting dressed. It bears repeating.

• My name is Davidow. I'm not sure why people still call me Andrew. It comes out as "Da-dow" when I say it, "Day-dow" when Petra says it, "Dee-dah" when Grant says it, and "Dah-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dow" when Trey says it.

• When Davidow wants to do something and Davidow is not given the opportunity, Davidow (1) gets pissed, (2) says/screams "Da-dow", and/or (3) undoes what's just been done so Davidow can do it himself.

• For example, let's say I want applesauce. Mom gets it. No. I take the applesauce tub out of Mom's hand. I put it back in the bottom drawer of the refrigerator. I struggle mightily to push the drawer back in. I succumb and ask for help. Help arrives. I pull the drawer out. I take the applesauce out. I push the drawer back in, eventually. I close the refrigerator. I give the applesauce to Mom.

• For example #2. Grandpa and I are going up the stairs to the playroom. Grandpa turns turns on the light. I say nothing because nothing needs to be said. I turn around, make my way down the stairs, turn off the light, turn the light back on, and continue to the playroom.

• There's this place where like a million dogs run around. We go there sometimes and I try to run around with them. Sometimes they see me as an aggressor, which I really think is an overreaction on their part. I don't know if it's heaven because Mom says we're atheist. But I bet it is.

• I can spot a Rav4 from a mile away. And I know which cars belong to which people in my parking garage at home. I don't know why Mom freaks out when I try to open their doors.

• I like to hit my mom in the face. My reasons are my own.

• Grandpa snores when he goes night night. I can make the sound. It makes Sivi laugh.

• Sivi says she doesn't snore but I bet she does.

Those are my things.

Love,
Andrew