It started with Elmo

5:55am, aka dark o'clock.  Stillness.  All is calm.  Two are sleeping.  Or so it would seem.

Andrew: MAMA!  MAMA!  MAMAAAAAAA!

Mom: [in bed] Holy f*!? what is that?

[5 seconds later, in Andrew's room]

Mom: Andrew, are you okay?

Andrew: I wet!

Mom: You're wet?  Okay.  First tell me where you are because it's pitch black and I'm still seeing spots anyway.

Andrew: I wet!

Mom: I've located you.  All is well now.

Andrew: I wet, MAMAAAAAAA!

Mom: Working on it.  Ahhhh, yes, your leg is soaking wet.  Here, let's take off your jammie pants and your pull-up.  [Done.] Andrew, you know what we should do?  Let's dry you off with your Elmo towel [which was conveniently next to us because he sleeps with it like a blanket].  Here you go.  I'll go get some dry jammie pants and a pull-up.

Andrew: [curls up and possibly falls asleep for 4 seconds]

Mom: Okay, Andrew, here's your pull-up.  Let's put it on.

Andrew: No.

Mom: What?

Andrew: No.  I dry off.

Mom: Okay, dry off.

Andrew: No.

Mom: This doesn't seem like it's going to end well.

Andrew: No.

Mom: Exactly.

Andrew: No.

Mom: Andrew, let's put on your pull-up or Mom's going back to bed and you'll have to sleep naked.

Andrew: [Silence]

Mom: Andrew, I'm going to count to three, and if you don't put your pull-up on by the time I get to three, I'm leaving.

Andrew: [Silence]

Mom:  1.  2.  3.  [Pause.]  Okay, good night, Andrew.  I'll see you in the morning.

Mom: [Walks to door, which is now blocked by baby gate.]

Andrew: [Crawls furiously toward door.]

Gate: [Slams closed.]

Andrew: Nooooo!!!!!! MAMAAAA!!!

Alarm clock: Get up.  You didn't really think you could go back to sleep, did you?

*lather, rinse, repeat* or "Second verse, same as the first, but a little bit louder and a little bit worse."

The only significant difference in the next round was Andrew's demand for doggy jammie pants, my assurance that the ones he was about to put on in the mostly blackened room were doggy pants, and his (correct) insistence that they weren't.  They were, in fact, monkey jammie pants.  I told him the doggies were in the laundry.  He told me the monkeys were in the laundry.

It's [only] [already] 6:10 by this point.

A couple of minutes pass as Andrew dawdles by putting his legs in the pants slower than any human has ever moved, ever.  Finally he's on his bed, smiling sweetly at me as I rub his back for a bit.

I go back to my room.  I decide to doze for a while since he'll be asleep for a while.  Twenty minutes later, as I reach the nirvana of relaxed awakeness, a dim light emerges from my left.  The light grows brighter.

"Mama.  I turned seahorse on!"

Seahorse would be the wall lamp that's plugged into an outlet controlled by a light switch.  Which he can reach. 

Mom: Andrew, are you ready to get up?

Andrew: Yeah!  I watch movie.  Mama take a shower.

Some of you may think, well, obviously he wasn't tired anymore.  You'd all be wrong.  Ninety minutes later, I delivered a cranky, clingy, half naked toddler to his classroom's bathroom to pee and get dressed while I sat in the corner and had a time-out.