My typical morning

6:12am Wake up. Find rubber duck in crib. Squeeze repeatedly.

6:13am Talk to duck.

6:28am Yell for Mom.

6:34am Get annoyed with Mom and duck alike.

6:39am Wonder if Mom is ever coming. Consider how to feed myself if not.

6:42am Curl up on bed in resigned defeat. Whimper.

6:44am Mom! You’re here!

6:44:10am Where the hell is my milk?

6:45-8:00am Play. Cry. Play. Scream. Brush teeth. Cry. Throw used kleenex in toilet. Scream. Suffer indignity of diaper change. Cry. Escape. Demand banana. Get caught. Suffer indignity of clothing. Bring Mom my shoes. Bring Mom her shoes. Bring Mom her other shoes. Take first shoe off while Mom is putting on second shoe. Suffer indignity of two shoes on. Unlock bottom lock of door. Slide A/C lever to 48°F. Turn light switch on and off 60 times. Attempt to push panic button on keys as Mom locks door.

8:00-8:10am Head to parking garage. Say hello and goodbye to all trees, air conditioning units, cracks in concrete, and doormats along way.

8:11am Arrive in garage. Bang on many cars. Escape.

8:11:30am Caught.

8:12am Head butt Mom in neck in renewed escape attempt.

8:13am Allow self to be restrained in carseat but make displeasure known.

8:14am Mom closes door. Watch Mom bang head slowly on door.

8:15am Mom in car. Demand radio.

8:25am Arrive at school parking space. Smile at everyone. Wave to everyone.

8:25-8:30am Walk to classroom. Attempt to eat rocks. Repeat head butt maneuver when Mom makes me leave.

8:30am Arrive in classroom. Smile at everyone. Wave to everyone.

8:31am Listen to teachers and other parents discuss my excellent behavior and disposition.